Ice Queen
by Giantpanda
Summary: Shannon finds that her icy exterior is starting to melt.


TITLE: Ice Queen  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Shannon finds that her icy exterior is starting to melt.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Shannon hustled through the jungle to get back to the beach. As tears pricked at her eyes, she became even more furious with herself. One would think that by now she would be used to the harsh words of her brother, but still each one felt like a knife cutting into her soul. Finally she felt the comfort of the sand on her feet and sank down to the ground.

She knew that she shouldn't let Boone's words bother her; she had been building up walls around herself for such a long time, that normally the words only stung for a moment and then she was able to forget them. Well, it wasn't really that she forgot them, it was more like they simply faded to the background with all the other horrible things anyone had ever said to her. Today however, her normal method of dealing hadn't worked, and she knew why. She had spent the past two days helping Sayid translate the maps, and he had made her feel useful and needed, two words that hadn't been part of her vocabulary. He had found a way through her defenses, and part of her was infuriated with him.

How was she supposed to survive if she let these things bother her? Boone had simply stated the truth, why should she be upset? She had been spending time in the caves when he had come up to her, and for no reason had started yelling at her, and calling her names. He had seemed upset about something, which she still didn't understand. Was he angry that she had finally been doing something productive? Or was it because she had been working with someone else? Even before she had realized that he was in love with her, he had always been very possessive. Yet he still went out of his way to lash out at her. It hadn't been necessary for him to be angry with her. She hadn't even been painting her nails and still he had told her she was worthless and a waste of space on the island. He had then told her that it wasn't even worth killing a boar for her since she would just throw it up anyway. As he turned to stalk back into the jungle, he had called her his favorite phrase: useless bitch.

She had been called a useless bitch many times in her life, sometimes she had been called worse, and it rarely reduced her to tears anymore. She used to cry for hours when someone said that too her, but then enough people spoke out and she realized the truth in their words. It was hard to cry when someone was simply being honest.

Shannon drew her knees up to her chest and held them tightly. She had stopped herself from her normal retorts to Boone's comments. She hadn't called him gay, made fun of his need to please everyone, or drag up the things he had done to her in the past. She had been unusually silent during the whole exchange. Originally she told herself that she had remained silent because she couldn't think of one fast enough since she had been caught off guard by his attack. Then she realized that maybe it was because Jack was standing there and she really didn't need to give him another reason to see her in a negative light. He already thought she was worthless, why give him more reasons to believe it. Then of course there was the possibility that he would pass that along to Sayid, and for some reason she wasn't ready for him to see her like that. She enjoyed talking with someone who didn't seem to see her as the icy bitch that she was. She knew that it was only a matter of time before Sayid got disgusted with her so she needed to keep him in the dark as long as possible.

But the weird thing was that she didn't feel quite so bitchy when around him. She had to be doing a great job to keep those natural tendencies at bay. It was impossible for a bitch like her to hide her true self for long.

Resting her chin on her knees, she wondered briefly if she had always been this way. She didn't think she had been a bitchy child, the kind that everyone talked about behind their backs predicting that they would have no real friends as they grew up. When then had she developed the iciness that covered her now? She tried to think back. Maybe she had been that child everyone hated. But she couldn't be. She had friends when she was younger. It had to be after Sabrina had come in to the picture, bringing the stepbrother from hell into her life. Memories flashed through her mind as she remembered everything that Sabrina had said to her, and how word by word Shannon had hardened her heart to everything and everyone. Nothing Shannon done was ever good enough for Sabrina. She was held up to impossible standards, and torn down whenever she didn't meet them. She was constantly told she wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, and the list went on and on. At first Boone had tried to help her when she was upset, but eventually he grew tired of getting in trouble with his mother. Never one to disappoint he had begun to talk to Shannon in the same way Sabrina did. Eventually she just learned that if they were both saying it, then it had to be the truth.

It was easier that way anyway, she thought. If she were to thaw her heart, thaw the way she acted on the island, she knew that Boone would continue to ridicule her. And she didn't really want to deal with him anymore. He wouldn't see that she could change, and in all honesty she doubted that she could. An ice-cold bitch, even if she had turned into it, didn't just melt away. She thought maybe she had a tendency towards this self, she knew without a doubt that this was who she was.

Slowly she stood. She was tired of these thoughts. She wanted to forget Boone's words, and simply pack them in her box of unfavorable things that had been said about her. Each word was a part of her armor that no one would ever be able to break through. She started walking slowly along the beach. She decided that she needed to stay away from Boone for a while, but sadly she didn't have anyone else to talk to. But as she thought about it, maybe being broken down again and again was better than being alone on Craphole Island.

She stopped as she saw Sayid sitting on the beach staring out at the horizon. He looked peaceful, and Shannon wished that she could find an ounce of that peace to settle her darkened soul. She wanted to go up and talk to him, but she didn't move. Sayid was done with her anyway. She had tried to help with the maps, and they had gotten nowhere. She had told him that she was worthless in translating but he hadn't believed her and he was no closer to finding a clue to how to get them off the island. If her French was better then maybe she could have been more helpful.

Sayid turned to where she stood and waved at her. Though unwilling, she took a few steps closer to him.

"Are you doing anything?" he asked.

Shannon crossed her arms over her chest in defiance. Of course she didn't have anything to do, was he trying to tell her that she was a lazy bitch as well.

"I was going for a walk," she said her voice dripping with ice.

His eyes fell to the sand. "I thought you would like to watch the sunset with me."

She stood frozen in her spot. Sayid wanted to spend time with her, without looking at a map. She didn't understand it. Why would he want to? She was a nobody on this island, he could pick anyone. And no one ever asked her to spend time with them, at least not willingly. Why was he any different?

"It is beautiful," he said softly.

She shook her head, "Everyone has seen a sunset. I'd rather watch it rise, if I ever get up in time."

"Maybe we will be able to watch the sunrise instead one day."

"Whatever," Shannon said as a smile tugged at her lips. She turned away quickly before he could see.

As she walked away, her icy heart melted just a little.

The End


End file.
